I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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