lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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