fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
