Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
How's work?
Spinning.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
