i think i have two assholes
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
