If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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