I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
