Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
