She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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