I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
