it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
