He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I wish there were birth control emojis
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
