just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
