Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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