If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
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This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
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This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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