I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
