the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
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She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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