Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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