Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
