dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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