I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
