its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
