After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
she peed on how many people?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
