I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
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You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
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just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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