Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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