I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
How's work?
Spinning.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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