is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
