We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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