you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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