if you like me you must not know who I am
At least make sure they are 18
Why
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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