I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
