Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
