Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
