Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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