Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
