I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
