Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
did you just send me my own nude
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
