I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
