You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
cat food counts as protein by the way
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
