you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Ketchup is God's man juice
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
