CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
