is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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