I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
