The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
