when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
