she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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