I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
