Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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