the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just gargled with NyQuil
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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