So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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