First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
