Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Dear god my vagina.
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