my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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