people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
That was an excessively violent trivia night
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
