Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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