I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You have to summon your inner elephant
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
