yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
