Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
