I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
