Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
