My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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