I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
