He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
