Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
